(Serial Parody) Dorm Room Detective - Part IV (The Final Post)

Previously on Dorm Room Detective: Either my roommate or one of my suite-mates was messing with my stuff over the Thanksgiving break. My pillows were messed up, and I feared that my bed had been slept in. I speculated who committed the crime and interviewed the quiet suite-mate.

Let me just start by saying that I am in the best mood to write this post as I ever will be. Life is going well, I had good food today, and it was the last day for my two week contacts so all I had to do at the end of the day was slide them out of my eyes and into the trashcan. If there were ever a moment where I could lay aside my biases against my irritating roommate Sam and write out a logical report, it would be now.

This isn't really an unbiased thing to do, but I'm going to discard Moi as a suspect. He would not have done it. If I could bring up character witnesses they would all prove my point.

So that leaves us with Sam and Josh.

Let me just give a little more detail about Josh's character. Josh is a very honest person. When he ate other people's food, he admitted it right when they asked him about it. He can be awkward, but he isn't the type of person to lie. He told me straight to my face that he knew nothing about my pillows being moved.

Last time I questioned Josh, so I decided to confront Sam.

Me: "Josh and Moi both said that they didn't know anything about [the pillow situation]."
Sam: "I don't know anything about it."
Me: "I still just want to figure out what happened."
Sam: "I wasn't even around Shawn."
later…
Sam:"That's just like a weird thing to do, like why would I do that? You know what I mean?"
Me: "Well it's a weird thing for anyone to do, so why would anyone do it?"
Sam: "I would be curious to know."

So I see that I might come across as the weird roommate here, the annoying person accusing Sam of moving my pillows when there is a change he didn't do it. After all, he was away for two days. But the break was five days, and he keeps trying to flaunt his two day alibi. What I can't record in a word for word transcription is his actions: his nervous, overly conversational demeanor. Picture a chuckling teddy bear and stick an ugly face on it (harsh but true). Sam's behavior throughout this whole situation was off.

Struggling for some honest responses, I sent out an email to Moi, Josh, and Sam.

Email to Moi, Josh, and Sam

No response. So I sent out individual text messages…first time I ever had a use for the numbers we exchanged at the beginning of the year.

"Hey _____, this is Shawn. If you had to guess who switched me and chris's pillows over Thanksgiving, who would you guess? Just say a name (even if you're not positive)."

This was the vote that it had come down to. Both Moi and Sam responded with some form of "Oh but I'm really not sure who did it."Josh, on the other hand, sent back only three letters: "Sam".

This could be taken in two different ways. Josh could be blaming Sam to deflect the blame away from himself. Or he could be telling me that the most logical person who committed the atrocious crime WAS Sam.

Josh is a blunt truth teller, and I believe him. Sam is a slithery people pleaser who would hate to admit to wrongdoing (When a party of his got busted, he denied that anyone was drinking. When the RA's asked to come into the room, he told them, "I'd rather you not." He ended up getting everyone in way more trouble).

Knowing everything I know about these people, I think I can say with only a little doubt that Sam committed the crime. In the Dorm Room Justice System, you're guilty until proven innocent, and I'm the judge.

Thank you for reading. #DormRoomDetective